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How do you know if you are a redneck?

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  • How do you know if you are a redneck?

    I am planning to visit the Redneck Riviera in Florida, and would like to know if I would be welcome.

  • #2
    My coffee table used to be a cable spool. I don't know if that counts.

    Comment


    • #3
      If you are talking about the beach area west of Pensacola, you will be heartily welcomed. The Redneck Riviera was traditionally the Alabama beach from the state line between FL/AL on west to Gulf Shores, AL, but, alas, it is no longer the glorious hangout of all the rednecks, having become extremely family oriented and looks like the rest of the northern Gulf coast with condos lining the beaches---getting hard to find public access to the beach, now. Don't even think about driving on the beach.

      If you aren't far from Gulf Shores, come go fishing with me at the Gulf Shores State fishing pier---friendliest pier on the Gulf. I caught a box full of Spanish mackerel and sheepshead today---good eats at my house tonight.

      If you'd like to PM me for information, go to www.gulfshorespierfishing.com My user name is Haywire. The pier forum has daily reports and a wealth of information on the most effective bait, tackle, methods, etc.

      However you roll, enjoy your trip. It is a pretty piece of country.

      If you need any redneck references, I'll be glad to help out---I am a widely reknown and highly credentialed redneck myself.

      You owe it to yourself to make a visit to the Flora-Bama located on the state line---adult beverages, wet T-shirt contests, etc. It's an established institution. Jimmy Buffet even sang about it.

      Comment


      • #4
        Here are a few criteria:

        You think "loading the dishwasher" means getting your wife drunk.
        You ever cut your grass and found a car.
        You own a home that is mobile and 5 cars that aren't.
        You think the stock market has a fence around it.
        Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Drive-in Theater.
        Your boat has not left the drive-way in 15 years.
        You own a homemade fur coat.
        Chiggers are included on your list of top 5 hygiene concerns.
        You burn your yard rather than mow it.
        Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so I can take a bath."
        You read the Auto Trader with a highlight pen.
        The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
        You've ever raked leaves in your kitchen.
        Birds are attracted to your beard.
        Your wife's job requires her to wear an orange vest.
        You were shooting pool when any of your kids were born.
        You have the local taxidermist's number on speed dial.
        You've ever hit a deer with your car...deliberately.
        Your school fight song was "Dueling Banjos".
        You think a chain saw is a musical instrument.
        You've ever given rat traps as gifts.
        You clean your fingernails with a stick.
        Your coffee table used to be a cable spool.
        You keep a can of RAID on the kitchen table.
        Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
        Your mother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
        Every socket in your house breaks a fire code.
        You've totaled every car you've ever owned.
        There are more than five McDonald's bags in your car.
        The Home Shopping operator recognizes your voice.
        There has ever been crime-scene tape on your bathroom door.
        You've ever been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.
        The taillight covers of your car are made of red tape.
        You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.
        You've ever bathed with flea and tick soap.
        You think "taking out the trash" means taking your in-laws to a movie.
        You have every episode of Hee-Haw on tape.
        You've ever been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
        Your considered an expert on wormbeds.
        Your kids take a siphon hose to "Show and Tell."
        The dog catcher calls for a backup unit when visiting your house.
        You've ever bought a used cap.
        Your CB antenna is a danger to low-flying planes.
        You pick your teeth from a catalog.
        You've ever financed a tattoo.
        You've ever stolen toilet paper.
        You think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture.
        People hear your car a long time before they see it.
        The gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot.
        You prefer car keys to Q-tips.

        If you resemble any of these remarks, you might be a redneck.

        See the rest at the attached link.

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by 99explorer View Post
          My coffee table used to be a cable spool. I don't know if that counts.
          You had a COFFEE TABLE?

          I used my cable spool to clean catfish and possums.

          Comment


          • #6
            I drove home recently with fish tied to the side view mirror of a 70s Ford (they still tasted fine).
            That seemed pretty redneck.

            Comment


            • #7
              If you'd rather fix your open wounds with duct tape than go to the doctor you'll be right at home

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by country road View Post
                If you are talking about the beach area west of Pensacola, you will be heartily welcomed. The Redneck Riviera was traditionally the Alabama beach from the state line between FL/AL on west to Gulf Shores, AL, but, alas, it is no longer the glorious hangout of all the rednecks, having become extremely family oriented and looks like the rest of the northern Gulf coast with condos lining the beaches---getting hard to find public access to the beach, now. Don't even think about driving on the beach.

                If you aren't far from Gulf Shores, come go fishing with me at the Gulf Shores State fishing pier---friendliest pier on the Gulf. I caught a box full of Spanish mackerel and sheepshead today---good eats at my house tonight.

                If you'd like to PM me for information, go to www.gulfshorespierfishing.com My user name is Haywire. The pier forum has daily reports and a wealth of information on the most effective bait, tackle, methods, etc.

                However you roll, enjoy your trip. It is a pretty piece of country.

                If you need any redneck references, I'll be glad to help out---I am a widely reknown and highly credentialed redneck myself.

                You owe it to yourself to make a visit to the Flora-Bama located on the state line---adult beverages, wet T-shirt contests, etc. It's an established institution. Jimmy Buffet even sang about it.
                Smokes on one side, tickets on the other...

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by country road View Post
                  If you are talking about the beach area west of Pensacola, you will be heartily welcomed. The Redneck Riviera was traditionally the Alabama beach from the state line between FL/AL on west to Gulf Shores, AL, but, alas, it is no longer the glorious hangout of all the rednecks, having become extremely family oriented and looks like the rest of the northern Gulf coast with condos lining the beaches---getting hard to find public access to the beach, now. Don't even think about driving on the beach.

                  If you aren't far from Gulf Shores, come go fishing with me at the Gulf Shores State fishing pier---friendliest pier on the Gulf. I caught a box full of Spanish mackerel and sheepshead today---good eats at my house tonight.

                  If you'd like to PM me for information, go to www.gulfshorespierfishing.com My user name is Haywire. The pier forum has daily reports and a wealth of information on the most effective bait, tackle, methods, etc.

                  However you roll, enjoy your trip. It is a pretty piece of country.

                  If you need any redneck references, I'll be glad to help out---I am a widely reknown and highly credentialed redneck myself.

                  You owe it to yourself to make a visit to the Flora-Bama located on the state line---adult beverages, wet T-shirt contests, etc. It's an established institution. Jimmy Buffet even sang about it.
                  Country Road, I'll try and get there sometime this year. Will let you know a few days in advance if so
                  Trump 2020 - Keep America Great!

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    I intentionally hit pigs with my SUV so I guess that counts. Also, been caught picking my teeth with a pocket knife.

                    99, to fit in, just wear a camo cap on the beach. And, when you see a Bama fan make sure you say "Ro Tide". That should do it.
                    Trump 2020 - Keep America Great!

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      I was out coon hunting the night my oldest daughter was born. Nov 1,1981. To be fair she was born a little early but then I begged God to please have her born either before or after deer season which is the two weeks in November. Don't consider myself a redneck merely resourceful however certainly am not close to the brain dead around here that proudly claim the title.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by country road View Post
                        If you are talking about the beach area west of Pensacola, you will be heartily welcomed. The Redneck Riviera was traditionally the Alabama beach from the state line between FL/AL on west to Gulf Shores, AL, but, alas, it is no longer the glorious hangout of all the rednecks, having become extremely family oriented and looks like the rest of the northern Gulf coast with condos lining the beaches---getting hard to find public access to the beach, now. Don't even think about driving on the beach.

                        If you aren't far from Gulf Shores, come go fishing with me at the Gulf Shores State fishing pier---friendliest pier on the Gulf. I caught a box full of Spanish mackerel and sheepshead today---good eats at my house tonight.

                        If you'd like to PM me for information, go to www.gulfshorespierfishing.com My user name is Haywire. The pier forum has daily reports and a wealth of information on the most effective bait, tackle, methods, etc.

                        However you roll, enjoy your trip. It is a pretty piece of country.

                        If you need any redneck references, I'll be glad to help out---I am a widely reknown and highly credentialed redneck myself.

                        You owe it to yourself to make a visit to the Flora-Bama located on the state line---adult beverages, wet T-shirt contests, etc. It's an established institution. Jimmy Buffet even sang about it.
                        PigHunter---I'll be looking forward to it. We'll catch us some fish.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by PigHunter View Post
                          I intentionally hit pigs with my SUV so I guess that counts. Also, been caught picking my teeth with a pocket knife.

                          99, to fit in, just wear a camo cap on the beach. And, when you see a Bama fan make sure you say "Ro Tide". That should do it.
                          Picked my teeth with a fishhook and stuck myself a couple times. FYI, in order to get friends to help you will endure cell pictures being snapped and the details making shore before you do.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by country road View Post
                            If you are talking about the beach area west of Pensacola, you will be heartily welcomed. The Redneck Riviera was traditionally the Alabama beach from the state line between FL/AL on west to Gulf Shores, AL, but, alas, it is no longer the glorious hangout of all the rednecks, having become extremely family oriented and looks like the rest of the northern Gulf coast with condos lining the beaches---getting hard to find public access to the beach, now. Don't even think about driving on the beach.

                            If you aren't far from Gulf Shores, come go fishing with me at the Gulf Shores State fishing pier---friendliest pier on the Gulf. I caught a box full of Spanish mackerel and sheepshead today---good eats at my house tonight.

                            If you'd like to PM me for information, go to www.gulfshorespierfishing.com My user name is Haywire. The pier forum has daily reports and a wealth of information on the most effective bait, tackle, methods, etc.

                            However you roll, enjoy your trip. It is a pretty piece of country.

                            If you need any redneck references, I'll be glad to help out---I am a widely reknown and highly credentialed redneck myself.

                            You owe it to yourself to make a visit to the Flora-Bama located on the state line---adult beverages, wet T-shirt contests, etc. It's an established institution. Jimmy Buffet even sang about it.
                            Sounds great Country. I would enjoy meeting you too. There is nothing as relaxing as a nice evening on the pier fishing.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by country road View Post
                              If you are talking about the beach area west of Pensacola, you will be heartily welcomed. The Redneck Riviera was traditionally the Alabama beach from the state line between FL/AL on west to Gulf Shores, AL, but, alas, it is no longer the glorious hangout of all the rednecks, having become extremely family oriented and looks like the rest of the northern Gulf coast with condos lining the beaches---getting hard to find public access to the beach, now. Don't even think about driving on the beach.

                              If you aren't far from Gulf Shores, come go fishing with me at the Gulf Shores State fishing pier---friendliest pier on the Gulf. I caught a box full of Spanish mackerel and sheepshead today---good eats at my house tonight.

                              If you'd like to PM me for information, go to www.gulfshorespierfishing.com My user name is Haywire. The pier forum has daily reports and a wealth of information on the most effective bait, tackle, methods, etc.

                              However you roll, enjoy your trip. It is a pretty piece of country.

                              If you need any redneck references, I'll be glad to help out---I am a widely reknown and highly credentialed redneck myself.

                              You owe it to yourself to make a visit to the Flora-Bama located on the state line---adult beverages, wet T-shirt contests, etc. It's an established institution. Jimmy Buffet even sang about it.
                              I'd like to join you so we could tell Auburn jokes! Roll Tide and War Eagul!

                              Comment

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