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Anyone have any great hunting jokes.

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  • #16
    A hunter sees a small brown bear and shoots him.
    He feels a tap on his shoulder, turns around and is face to face with a big black bear. The bear says I don't like what you did to my buddy so you have two choices; "I maul you or I have my way with you." The hunter doesn't want to get mauled so he lets to the bear take him in the worst way.
    Well, after recovering for a couple of weeks the angry hunter returned to the same forest, stalked and killed the big black bear. Once again he feels a tap on his shoulder and turns to see a 10 foot grizzly towering over him.
    "Admit it," says the grizzly. "You don't come here for the hunting, do you?"

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    • #17
      An Aggie (Texas A&M) is still hunting slowly through the "Piney Woods" of east Texas when he stumbles into a small, remote camp.
      Inside the tent lies a gorgeous, naked woman.
      He asks, "Are you game?"
      She looks at him wistfully, smiles and coos, "Yes!"
      So he shoots her.

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      • #18
        An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup, and the doctor asked him how he was feeling.
        "I've never been better!" he boasted.
        "I've got an eighteen year old bride who's pregnant, and having my child! What do you think about that?"

        The doctor considered this for a moment, then said,
        "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day went out in a bit of a hurry, and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his rifle."
        The doctor continued, "So he was in the woods, and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear, and squeezed the handle."
        "And do you know what happened?” The doctor queried.
        Dumbfounded, the old man replied "No."
        The doctor continued, "The bear dropped dead in front of him!"
        "That's impossible!" exclaimed the old man. "Someone else must have shot that bear."
        "That's kind of what I'm getting at..." replied the doctor.

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        • #19
          A hunter was in the Arctic came face to face with a polar bear. Being so frozen cold his gun wouldn’t fire. Afraid of being eaten, he fell to his knees and started praying.
          When the polar bear knelt down beside him and started praying too, the man shouted, "It's a miracle!"
          The polar bear opened one eye and said "Don't talk while I'm saying grace."

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          • #20
            A baby seal walks into a club....

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            • #21
              A good joke- my season so far!

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              • #22
                A hunter is struck in the butt by a rattlesnake. His companion runs to get help. The doctor can't come, but he instructs the companion that he must suck out the venom, or his friend will die.
                When the companion returns to the woods,the bite victim asks,"Well, what did the doctor say?"
                "The doctor said you are going to die."

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                • #23
                  A hunter is taken to the ER with multiple fractures and his clothes torn to shreds. He tells the doctor that he stepped on a nest of snakes, and he describes them to the doctor.
                  The doctor says that those snakes are harmless. They are not poisonous.
                  The hunter replies, "They don't have to be poisonous if they can make me jump off a twenty-foot cliff!"

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                  • #24
                    A medical school professor thought he would lighten the lecture a little and asked one of the attractive medical students 'regarding involuntary muscle contractions, what do you think your arse is doing when you are having a orgasm?' Oh, she said, he is probably out hunting deer with his buddies'.

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                    • #25
                      A beautiful and wealthy young lady gets her limo driver to take her road hunting and a tire goes flat.

                      He's trying to figure out how to get the hubcap off, and she asks, "Do you want a screwdriver?"

                      "Might as well, I can't git this damn hubcap off!"

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                      • #26
                        A guy gitza felony conviction and goes to prizon.

                        After dinner, everybuddy goes back to their cells and sumbuddy shouts, "Number 37!"

                        Evvabuddy up and down the cellblock starts laughing.

                        So he asks his cellmate whut is going on.

                        He replies that evabuddy's been in there so long thet they've got all the jokes numbered, and all they have to do is call the number.

                        "Why don't you try it?"

                        "OK, Number 19!"

                        Nobuddy makes a peep.

                        "Oh, Well, Ah nevva wuz enny good at tellin jokes ennyhow."

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                        • #27
                          3 firemen are heading out to do a little deer hunting. A fireman a captain and a chief. After walking all day the stumble into a deserted cabin to take a break. A little while later the fireman decides to get up a walk around. 10 minutes later BANG. He comes back excalaims that he just shot a monster buck. The chief asked how he did that so fast? "I went outside found some tracks and followed them and at the end of them stood the this 12 point buck". So the captain goes out and tries his luck 10 minutes later BANG. He come back and tells the chief the same story. So the chief not to be out done leaves and is gone for hours. Finally returns but looks like he has been run over by a Mack truck. The guys asked what happened to you chief? Well I went out found some tracks and got ran over by a train.

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                          • #28
                            A hunter visits the home of another big game hunter who has been on safari to Africa. They enter the 'man cave' where the hunter sees all the animals. He asks about the full size Lion on display. The hunter explains that was taken the last time he and his wife were on safari in Africa. The hunter says the lion looks great, what did they stuff it with. He answered, my wife.

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                            • #29
                              A gold prospector had a cabin not far from the creek and had a pet bear he raised from a cub. One morning he gets up, eats and gets ready to go to the stream. The bear is still asleep, so he proceeds to go by himself. After an hour or so a bear wanders up to him and the prospector, agitated about the lazy bear, takes his hat and swats the bear around the snout and head. The bear turns and walks away. While still in sight, the prospector sees his real pet bear coming down the path from the cabin to him. He swatted a wild bear thinking it was his pet.

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                              • #30
                                Two hunters got a pilot to fly them into the far north for elk hunting. They were quite successful in their venture and bagged six big bucks. The pilot came back, as arranged, to pick them up. They started loading their gear into the plane, including the six elk. But the pilot objected and he said, "The plane can only take four of your elk; you will have to leave two behind." They argued with him; the year before they had shot six and the pilot had allowed them to put all aboard. The plane was the same model and capacity. Reluctantly, the pilot finally permitted them to put all six aboard. But when the attempted to take off and leave the valley, the little plane could not make it and they crashed into the wilderness.

                                Climbing out of the wreckage, one hunter said to the other, "Do you know where we are?"

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